Foreword by Ruth Van Reken

What a timely book!

In these days of massive cultural shifts across our globe, the traditional ways people have learned their sense of identity and belonging have shifted as well. No longer are the usual markers of gender, race, nationality, ethnicity, place, and even profession enough to give us an automatic pass to belonging in one particular group or another. These groups, which used to be more uniform, now have many variables. The despairing cry of those wanting to know “Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?” fills social media pages and podcasts with increasing intensity.

Why? What has happened?

There is a timely-for-our generation verse from the book of Mark in the Bible that warns folks not to put new wine in old wineskins. The idea is that fresh wine ferments and expands. In those days when animal skins were used to hold the wine, they had to be pliable to grow with that fermentation process. That meant the wineskins needed to be fresh. If the winemaker put the new wine in old, dry, non-expandable wineskins, eventually the skins would burst, and all the wine would be lost.

Think about it. Too often in today’s world we are trying to put the new wine of how identity, and thus a sense of belonging, forms for those who grow up between many cultural worlds into the old wineskins of the past. In that earlier world, most people grew up primarily in one place or culture where it was pretty clear who was “us” and who was “them.” Those in the “us” group knew how life worked there and what the spoken and unspoken rules of the community were. As they lived by the shared values, they generally had a sense of belonging. “This is my group. This is my ‘tribe.’”

Things are not so clear for many in today’s changing world. The old wineskin still asks us to define ourselves in simplistic terms. But what does it mean when I am asked to check the box identifying my race or ethnicity on the census (or any other) form? If I mark “white,” what do those analyzing the data presume to know about me? When I tick the “USA citizen” box, what else do they assume? If they put me in the “privileged” category, I wouldn’t argue. Surely those two factors have opened doors for me that might be closed to those who must check other boxes.

But the question remains for me and countless others, “What about the rest of me?” How can such a checklist honor the truth that, in addition to what might seem like straightforward answers, I am a USA citizen born and raised for thirteen years in Kano, Nigeria? The world that shaped me then, as well as subsequent years spent in Liberia and Kenya, remains unseen on paperwork like that. I feel a connection to all of these places. Must I choose to belong to only one? To be honest, many times I simply check the “other” box!

Because of my life story, I (and many others) look at the world around me through the lenses created by many cross-cultural experiences. That doesn’t mean our view is “better” than those whose worldviews were formed in a more traditional upbringing in one place. It just means it might be different from what others expect of us if judged by these traditional labels of identity.

Of course, another traditional way we mark belonging is by our profession. We join organizations and find community with others of like interest. In the past, many people basically stayed in one place and kept the same career path throughout life. It wasn’t hard to answer the “So what do you do?” question when meeting others.

In today’s world, however, many live with frequent and sometimes radical changes not only in where we live but also in what we do. I studied for three years to become a registered nurse, assuming it would be my lifelong profession. When we arrived in Liberia in 1976, I learned our organization was seeking to nationalize the hospital staff and didn’t want expat nurses taking the jobs of local nurses. Suddenly when people asked me the “So what do you do?” question, I could no longer say, “I’m a nurse” because I no longer ‘did’ that. Neither could I simply say, “I’m a housewife” because in that context, there were many things I became involved with, but none carried a clear, concise title.

The question, then, is if these traditional ways of finding belonging don’t work for many of us, what does? To belong is one of the most basic human needs of all people from all generations and nationalities. On a personal and global level, this is a critical question for us all.

There is good news ahead! As you read the pages of this most welcome book, you will discover there are indeed new wineskins for the new wine.

Megan writes about finding a true and deep sense of belonging through the lens of those who, like me and her, had a traditional Third Culture Kid experience, meaning we grew up outside our passport or parental culture(s) due to our parents’ career choices. She takes into clear account the impact of this experience as we try to find where and how we fit in this world. Through her insightful (and easy-to-read) prose, her questions to ponder, and her personal insights and expertise gained through both life and working with TCKs, Megan shows us in clear and detailed ways how we can meet that heartfelt need to belong… even though the traditional markers are gone.

Part of this discovery process is Megan’s challenge to differentiate between finding our sense of identity and belonging in who we are rather than in what we do. Her tips for self-evaluation in this arena are important and potentially life-changing for those who heed them.

But don’t be fooled. Megan’s principles apply beyond those who are traditional TCKs. The truth is that while she looks at these questions through the TCK lens, the questions of “Who am I, really?” and “Where on earth (literally) do I belong?” are universal.

TCKs were one of the first groups researchers studied whose lives experienced cyclical, ongoing patterns of intercultural mobility. Thus, the lessons learned in that context surely offer new wineskins to countless others who grew up cross-culturally for any reason.

And if you grew up in one place, we know there are still challenges you may have faced related to belonging. I am sure you will also find help as you read and work through the exercises Megan proposes.

In the end, this is also a deeply spiritual book. While Megan writes authentically from the spiritual framework which shapes her view of life and living, all are invited to look at this process with her from their own perspective. The timeless principles she shares are universal and relate to us all, but too many have been recently covered by the shifting sands of our cultural landscape. It’s time to look for them once more!

May you read and enjoy. But even more, may you read and respond and find a deeper place of belonging than you might have thought possible before.

Ruth E. Van Reken
Co-author, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds
Co-founder, Families in Global Transition